Corporate Manuals

You need to understand that my little consulting company consists of eight legs and three heads--that's two human and Rippers the Black Lab. When it comes down to corporate manuals, they tend to cover the basics such as the menu for the nearest pizza joint.

On a recent engagement, we were given a list of phone numbers. They were organized into categoris like medical, fire, severe weather, bomb threat checklist.

Whoa! Bomb threat checklist you say. Now when it come things make loud noises with guns and fireworks, I'm all for that sort of thing. Naturally I turned to the bomb threat checklist.

So when a mad bomber calls, I am supposed to be calm, courteous and listen carefully. Whatever happened to run like hell?

After the bomber has deliver his message, then I'm supposed to ask: When will the bomb go off? Where is the bomb? What kind of bomb is it? My guess it is the kind that makes a loud noise and messes up the rest of your day.

Back to the checklist. I'm suppose to get a name and address. Perhaps an email address, website, favorite color, birthdate and pet's name. The checklist even has place for my name, date and time. Once I'm done shooting the breeze (bad choice of words) , I am immediately supposed to dial 911 and then notify the receptionist.

I guess running from building, shrieking, "Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!" is inappropriate.